A Year Ago: A Grateful Friend

I love to travel.

I like to head off in a direction with less than an entire plan and just go for it.

For some reason, this doesn't trigger my anxiety. It does the opposite, in fact; it makes me feel strong and independent and important.

A year ago I went on a trip to England and Scotland by myself.

It was a gift from my husband who isn't too big on traveling. He gave me his bonus money from work and told me to go wherever I wanted.

I chose England, because when I’d gone there a few years ago, I’d only spent a day in London and a day in the English countryside, which was all traveling. Two friends of mine were living in London at the time, so I figured I could see the sights with them, as well as have a place to stay.

I met Jessica and Kate when I was a student at UNL. Kate was an international student from Australia who lived in my dorm during my second year at UNL, and Jessica was someone I clicked with in one of my favorite classes at the University. Kate is a teacher, living in London, and Jessica was in grad school at University College-London.

Before I left Nebraska, I was on the fence about going on my trip, because my mom wasn't doing very well.  She told me I should definitely go, because if anything happened, which it probably wouldn't, I could change my flight and get back in less than a day. I really wasn't sure what to do, but in the end, I listened to my mom, and I went.

Me and Kate right after I arrived in London.

Me and Kate, with Stonehenge in the background!

Stonehenge

When I got there, it was so good to spend time with Kate, who I hadn't seen in over a year, and go shopping, see movies, and take a day trip out to Bath and Stonehenge. I took a trip from London to Edinburgh, and explored that city, as well as part of the Scottish Highlands for two days. I stayed in a hostel with six Swedish boys who stayed up until 4am both nights, drinking beer and playing Beatles songs on the guitar. I walked eleven miles in one day and barely noticed. I met a Russian girl named Olga who was working as a nanny in Paris and taking a trip through Scotland, Ireland, and Wales by herself while the family was on holiday.

View of Edinburgh from the top of Edinburgh Castle

After I got back from Scotland, I stayed with Jessica. I met some of her classmates and friends, and we watched Kill Bill and planned a day trip to Brighton (or Bristol? I've forgotten!) with Kate. The next night, walking back from the tube station, I got a text from my dad that he needed me to call him when I could.

I was in the middle of the street, not far from where Jude Law and Hugh Laurie allegedly lived. My stomach dropped, and I began to sweat, despite the chill in the air. I dialed his number without even explaining to Jessica what was going on.

My dad answered and said I should call him back once I was back at Jessica’s and not on the street, and I told him I couldn't wait.

I don’t remember the rest of the conversation. I remember feeling sick and I remember crying. I remember calling Kate who lived pretty far from Jessica’s place, and asking her to come over. It was after midnight, so she couldn't take the tube. She ended up taking an expensive cab ride over.

They both sat with me while I packed and made plans to leave London. Max called the airline and got them to change my flight.

They waived all the fees.

My memory of that night is blurry. I think Jessica and Kate both napped in Jessica’s tiny dorm room while I racked up a $282 phone bill crying and listening to my mom tell me, in a sleepy voice, all the things she was sad she was going to miss in my life. She said she was sad, but she wasn't frightened, and she wasn't angry.

Just before 6am, I woke Kate and Jessica up, telling them I was going to head for the tube. They both came with me (and took turns carrying my insanely, stupidly heavy duffel), and during that hour-long commute to Heathrow, I took a photo of my two friends that I will always treasure:

Kate and Jessica on the tube, the morning I left London

It is probably not be the most flattering picture ever taken of either of them. But on that horrible, awful morning when it felt like my entire life was coming apart at the edges, I felt so completely supported and cared for. I wasn't alone.

I’m not going to say that I've never felt alone over the past year, but looking back, especially in moments like the ones I captured in that photograph, I know I never was alone. I've been completely surrounded on all sides by the compassion and strength of friends, family, and even complete strangers.

I've never been more grateful for anything in my life.