The Importance of Grieving Openly

I saw The Importance of Grieving Openly on Hello Giggles today. I tend to head over to HG when I need a break at work, or some inspiration for my nail art (yes, nail art). I don't know Becca Rose, the author, but I felt a connection to her today when I read her article.

When my mom died, I felt like it was ok to fall apart. So I did. But after a few weeks and months, I felt like I needed to "get it together" and "stop worrying people." So I tried. But it didn't work.

Something that Becca says in her article is that some of her friendships dwindled while she was going through her grief, but that she had to make the right decision for herself in dealing with her sadness.

...I made a decision that I couldn't afford to put a happy face on tragedy, and so I became brutally honest with myself and others. The friends I had, who stayed through that became my support system. In being honest with them, I felt like I had a net to fall back on. I wasn't alone in my grief, and that alone helped me so much. Those friendships became so much stronger because of what I went through.

This probably hit home the hardest for me. I wouldn't call what I've been going through "sadness" or even purely "grief" -- I feel that my grief over losing mom was a catalyst for the worst major depression and anxiety I've ever experienced in my life, and I've been so worried about worrying other people that I haven't been honest about how difficult it's been.

I feel a gap widening between some of my friends and me, probably due at least in part to not being forthcoming about my state of mind. But the truth of the matter is that I am juggling a lot, and maybe the friends who realize that will return after I've had some time to heal.

There are  friends who have checked on me every day and know -- and have known, before I was even ready to say it -- what I'm going through. I used to feel guilty about the burden I was placing on their shoulders. After all, my emotional problems are not their problems.

But maybe they are, after all? Simply knowing that I can text or call these friends anytime and they would drop everything they were doing to come be by my side is a security I can't describe. It's actually right in line with family, and I'm so grateful and so blessed to have both family and friends to lean on.

I've been doing a lot of putting myself in others' shoes lately, and I know that if a friend of mine needed my support, I would do whatever I could to help and support them. So, I think it's probably time to accept the help, welcome the support, and be real with everyone who cares about me that I haven't been well at all.

I have a plan that I put together with my doctor and therapist that perhaps I'll explain at another time, but I think the main bit of good news I'll leave you with is that a lot of the time, there's a tiny ray of optimism poking through my despair -- and I hope one of these days I'll have the energy and focus to reach some of my goals and dreams. I'll keep you posted.

My dad, sister, her husband, me, and Max on my sister's wedding day, October 13, 2012.